This….. is supposed to be a
blog about quilting. However, I have
been so busy trying to get things rolling at the Studio that I haven’t had much
time to sit down and write. Then, when I do…
it seems like I have all of this "stuff" that I just need to say. This post is no different.
Mother’s Day is next Sunday
and, since most of the folks reading this are Mothers, I just wanted to share
some things that have really been on my mind lately. I don’t expect everyone will agree with
everything I have to say. That’s
okay. I’m used to that and besides… I
don’t expect you to. We are all
different and it’s those differences that make us who we are.
I want to talk about our
sons and the relationships we have with the mates they choose for themselves. My niece was supposed to be married
tomorrow. For the most part, she has struggled a lot to
grow up. In many ways… she is much like
me (OMG that is a scary thought). But like
all of us do (eventually), she grew up to be a mighty fine woman and one of the
best mothers I know. She works really
hard at it and I am proud of her for that.
Yes… she still makes mistakes.
Who doesn’t?
She was engaged to a young
man whom we all (our family) loved and welcomed with open arms. He treated my niece like a Princess (as much
as she would let him) and he was a fabulous father figure to her daughter. But…. He has a mother. And let me just say – politely - that woman
gave the term “MIL from Hell” a whole new definition. She tried to control everything they did,
every decision they made, every thought her son had. And he was so afraid of her wrath that he
dared not side with anyone other than Mommy Dearest. To
say the very least, she was the primary reason the wedding was called off. Not only was my Niece’s heart broken but her
daughter’s was as well. And me? Well…. it just made me madder that an old wet
hen!!!
I don’t think we get to have
a say in who our children choose as a partner; Just like we can’t choose their
friends for them. For you young mothers
out there… if you don’t believe that? Go
ahead, give it a whirl. “Rebel Hell”
will raise it’s ugly head and they will be friends with the dirt-bag anyway
just because you said it wasn’t a good idea.
That’s how it works. You did it,
I did it, we all do. Learning what boundaries
we can and can’t cross is part of growing up.
Some of us learn the boundaries early and then some of us (no NAMES!!!) will forever color outside the lines. All we can do is try to teach them to make
smart choices. Beyond that, we have to
trust that we have done our job well and leave it to them (and God) to make
those choices for themselves.
When it comes to this
subject - I think, as a mother, we have
a right, and an obligation, to voice our concerns ONCE. Then? We need to just shut the heck up and trust
the choice they’ve made. If our sons see
something beautiful enough in someone to want to spend the rest of their lives
with that person then it is our obligation to try and see what they see; To
love them and welcome them and accept them (faults and all) unconditionally. It is not our place to manipulate them, tell
them how to raise their children, where to live, where to work, etc.
Our son’s choice for a
spouse is the gift of a daughter. It’s
not an “I’m the Best” competition to be won or lost. Your son will not love you any less because
he has chosen a partner (you ARE his mother after all!) but he WILL love you
more if you try hard to respect his choice.
And the bonus? His wife will love
you like her own mother if you respect the fact that she has her own ideas and
allow her the freedom to try them without interference from you.
We mothers… we love our
Daughters more than life itself. But… we
raise them differently. We raise them to
be strong, courageous and independent women.
But dang it all… Like it or not… we “baby” our sons. Period.
And it’s hard to let go of that.
At least it has been for me. But,
I would hate to think that I destroyed a relationship that brought one of my
sons such happiness all because I couldn’t let go and let him live his own
life. I can’t imagine not having the joy
of my sons in my life. Why would I want
to make them not want to be around because I can’t keep my mouth shut about the
decisions they’ve made for themselves as grown men?
My niece will be fine. Her heart is broken and mine aches for her as
well. However, she is a strong, courageous
and mostly independent woman. And her fiancé? He is left to deal with his danged old nag of
a mother. And I’m sorry for him in that
regard. More than that? I pity the poor woman that will eventually have
to endure her.
Oh my dear God in Heaven… I
never want to be a mother like that one. Please help me refrain!
To all of my children… I
love you more than I will ever be able to put into words. You are wonderfully made and each one of you are
special in your own way. I’m blessed and
honored to be your mother. I will
forever doubt whether or not what I’ve done is enough. But I pray it is. It’s all up to you and God now. And just so you know…you have my permission
to tell me to back off when it’s warranted but I pray to God that I never put
you in the position that you feel the need.
Love your Children! Let them grow and then let them go!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Huggs 'n Stitches!
Deborah
Huggs 'n Stitches!
Deborah
